Yes, I fell in
love with a wonderful man that I gave my heart to and even made a life long
commitment to him. During the 1 1/2 years we spent together we had good times
and bad times. And thats what really hurts, because I miss all the good times we
shared. Then I think of all the other times when he would get so abusive towards
me mentally, emotionally and physically. The mental and emotional abuse I could
tolerate to an extent. But when he became physical with me, thats when I put my
foot down and told him to take anger management counseling. Well that was fine
for awhile, then boom right back to the abuse again.
Mood swings drove me up the wall time after time. I tried my best to
just overlook them and get away from him when he would be in one of those moods.
And yes he took his meds on schedule every day. I even suggested getting his
meds adjusted. Or for us to take a trip and go away somewhere for the weekend,
he was under so much stress from kids and work, etc. I would soothe and pamper
him so much and try to make him feel better. I always focused all my attention
on his wants and needs. I ignored my own needs, just to make him happy was my
life. One day I finally woke up and realized I cannot and will not live the rest
of my life like this. I need to get away from him and have a happy normal life
by myself or find the right person for me. Either way I knew I was spinning my
wheels and getting nowhere with him. He loved to control me and his kids and
everything we did, he had to have everything his way.
Oh let me tell
you it was nerve racking. I had a nervous breakdown one time. Another time I had
stomach problems, ended up have multiple ulcers in my stomach and polys on my
colon during our relationship I was ill inside me, not feeling well about myself
at all. It got to where he would lie to me and hide things from me, I would find
out the truth and he would get furious. When he was really angry he would always
tell me that's it , its over with. I felt very unstable and insecure with him. I
just wished he wasn't that way with me, I would have stayed with him. I feel
like I failed because I wasn't strong enough or patient enough to deal with it.
I miss him and still love him. I think about him sometimes and I wonder how he
is treating the next woman. Maybe he will change and get the help he needs and
become a better man. I just wished he could have done that for us. But whats
meant to be is meant to be, I keep telling myself. That all things happen for a
reason.
I need to get on with my life, but I feel like I need to vent
all my thoughts and feelings to all of you. I always felt like it was my fault
that he was miserable, I would even ask him that, he would say why do you always
think that its you. You know all the stress that I am going thru, was his
answer. But he would always take his frustrations out on me, even if I was
having a good day, by the end of the day I would feel bad because he was in a
bad mood. This was like a routine for us. I had to watch out for certain things
I said or how I said them. It was like walking on egg shells all the time. I
know in time I will get over him and meet a good man that will treat me right.
But meanwhile I try not to think of the past, and I just keep myself busy doing
something. If any of you are going thru this same situation, then you have my
blessings to do whatever it takes to detach yourself from this and start a new
happy life, or if you want to stay with it, then I hope everything works out for
you.
Sherry |
